


The Trouble With Bards

by Enterprisingly



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 14:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3137618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enterprisingly/pseuds/Enterprisingly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know what's really irritating? Bards. Specifically angry bards who sing songs about you every time you go down to the tavern for a quiet drink. Cullen is learning this the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble With Bards

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://commandercait.tumblr.com/post/107187802943/cullen-vs-the-plight-of-maryden-the-bard).  
> Because I wanted to know what happened after Cullen made Skyhold's resident bard angry. Unbeta'd. If you see anything please let me know.

If someone were to ask Cullen to describe the most irritating thing he can think of, his answer would be both emphatic and immediate: bards. Specifically bards who sing trite, unflattering, and horrifyingly catchy songs about him every time he goes down to the tavern for a quiet drink on one of his few free nights. Cullen isn't going to make it to the end of this campaign because he's absolutely about to lose his mind and that _bard_ (what even was her name? Marylynn? Marigold? No, it’s Maryden!) is completely to blame. 

Cullen plants his face in the hand not currently wrapped around the evening’s third tankard of ale and groans. He should have just humored the blasted woman’s request for help, despite the fact that to do so would have been a waste of resources better used elsewhere.

 _Who even asks for military assistance to convince a rival bard to stop spreading rumors? But honestly, if pressed I probably could have just sent a couple of soldiers on light duty to give the troublemaker a good talking to and this whole mess would have been over and done with. Though…_ Cullen takes a deep swig of his ale, _that would have made an enemy out of a different bard and the result would probably have been the same. Maker’s breath, what a nightmare._

“They say Commander Cullen always does what’s right, but we know he doesn’t care when little people’s feelings get trampled in the fight! So don’t even think about asking for his aid, we know the good Commander wouldn’t help you if you paid!” Maryden’s voice rings out across the room, accompanied by laughter and cheers as she reaches the chorus. “Oh how can he be so heartless, how can he be so cruel? How can he have such a lovely face and yet be so cold through and through?”

Cullen groans. _Of all the juvenile, petty nonsense… and by the Maker if she isn’t filling the song with random words just to make things rhyme. Perhaps I can convince the Inquisitor to use this drivel as a weapon against Corypheus…?_

He hears a giggle from his left and his head whips around so fast that his neck twinges in protest. Inquisitor Trevelyan sits on the stool next to him, laughing. “We could certainly try, but with our luck Corypheus would actually enjoy it.” 

“Maker’s breath, did I say all of that out loud?” Cullen goes first hot then cold with embarrassment. Of course he would make a fool of himself in front of the most important person he knows, just to top off his evening. He looks down at his ale tankard and is surprised to find it nearly empty. “I must truly be deeper in my cups than I realized, forgive me, my lady.”

She laughs again. “Oh no, please continue! I came here for some entertainment and I’m certainly getting some, though I’m not sure if I find the song or your reaction to be more amusing.”

Cullen stares at her as a mischievous grin spreads across her face. The Inquisitor, ever the graceful diplomat, is _messing with him_. He’s taken aback and doesn’t quite know what to make of it but he's definitely not complaining. The smile makes her eyes crinkle up at the corners and his brain goes a bit fuzzy for a few seconds. Though… he has drunk more than he intended so perhaps it’s just the ale going to his head?

“I take it you don’t think much of our resident bard, then?” Trevelyan asks, before taking a sip of her ale.

“Not when she has made it her personal mission to ensure that I never again have another drink in peace.”

“You know, I was there when you decided to do nothing in regards to poor Maryden’s gossipmonger. I’m fairly certain Leliana warned you that something like this might happen.” She tuts at him with mocking disapproval. 

Cullen snorts. ‘Well I certainly didn't hear you speaking up to encourage the deployment of our forces to take care of the matter…”

“That’s because I happened to agree that sending our troops to quash rumors was ridiculous. But you were the one who issued the command, not I, meaning that I remain in good graces with our dear bard _and_ I get to enjoy her musical temper tantrum at someone else’s expense.” She winks cheekily at him and he briefly forgets how to breathe.

Trevelyan is glowing in the lantern light, flushed with mirth, and relaxed in a way that he has not seen before. She does not look like the Inquisitor or the Herald of Andraste, sitting next to him at the bar, but he feels no less in awe of her presence. For a few seconds, as he watches her, she is almost impossibly lovely and his mind wanders into places that it definitely should not be going- until she ruins it all by singing along with the ending of Maryden’s song, grinning at him all the while.

“So tell me Commander, how _can_ you be so cruel?” Trevelyan asks, after the song winds up.

Cullen closes his eyes. “Maker preserve me, she wouldn’t know true cruelty if it walked up and introduced itself. You on the other hand…”

Trevelyan throws her head back and laughs. “Fair enough.”

He scowls, more for show that out of real malice. It’s not like he doesn’t know that she has a sense of humor, but she hides it so well most of the time that it’s easy to forget. Even if her wit is currently being employed at his expense, Cullen likes seeing this side of her. A lot.

“You know that one of these days, Inquisitor, she’s going to write a song about you too.”

“Oh I’m certain that my time is coming; she even told me as much a few days ago.” She replies with a rueful smile, “Which is why I’m getting my shots in now, before I understand your pain too well to tease you about it. I am, after all, an opportunist if nothing else.”

“Rest assured that I suffer no such qualms and as such, I shall enjoy tormenting you with it when it happens.” He says. It must be the ale making him bold, he would never be so forward with her under normal circumstances. Sitting in the tavern together, all pretense of rank and professionalism left by the wayside as they poke fun at each other’s misfortune, it’s just so easy to forget that this isn't how things normally are between them.

The Inquisitor laughs again and his heart leaps slightly. Cullen is certain he’s blushing, but she has the good grace not to say anything about that, at the very least.

“I’m certain you will and I look forward to it.”

“In all seriousness though, can you even imagine what she’ll find to rhyme with ‘Inquisitor’?” He asks, “She’s not very good at writing songs and your title is not a particularly easy word to work around.”

Trevelyan lets out an exaggerated groan. “It’s going to be awful, whatever it is and I give you full permission to exact your revenge. I do believe that you’ve earned it after putting up with my taunting tonight.”

Cullen grins. “I will hold you to that, Inquisitor.”

And sure enough, he does. But by the time Maryden writes a song about the Inquisitor, Cullen’s teasing is delivered in the form of notes hummed between kisses while they are curled around each other in bed, and neither one of them is overly concerned with the machinations of Maryden the bard.


End file.
